Becoming Me


Who were you before the world stepped in and told you who to become?  When a baby cries out and a caretaker responds with loving kindness, in the beginning it’s all a guessing game to try our best to soothe, respond and love.  But we really never know the true meaning behind those cries.  Even the best intending people may put their own needs and assumptions on those cries and respond the way they see fit.  That’s the best they can do until that baby can confirm those suspicions.  Is that baby having every need met, or is that sweet, dependent soul beginning the journey of taking what is offered and making it fit? Such is life as we grow into ourselves and begin to make our true selves heard.  And even then, how much are we forced to push down and ignore of what we really want and need?  Those innocent smiles on children desperate to please may be the faces of little ones learning to do the best with what is given to them while learning to manage what they truly wish.    

As we grow and mature, we have a chance to consider who we are and what truly makes us happy.  Are you letting yourself be the person you were meant to be?  How do we figure out exactly who that is?  After years of being told what to do, it may be difficult to truly be authentically present and acknowledge how much of who we have become is put upon us and how much of it we were free to develop on our own.  Take a step back for a moment and think about where you are, why you are there and whether or not it is who and where you would like to be.  Such is life really, but the next phase is letting go of some of that ingrained learning and allowing yourself to push back from the shore and mindfully explore what your choices will bring.  Navigating your path after you set sail on an adventure such as this may be filled with unknown, but it’s always in times of deep reflection or exploration that we have the opportunity to grow the most.        

Need to change a few things?  I do, and I want to learn more about myself.  There are 5 steps I am taking to thoughtfully process this lesson.  

Live life and engage in activities I enjoy.

Over the last few years I have found myself diving into new experiences with a brave, awakened yearning for change.  Feeling satisfied and content was no longer acceptable.  I longed for a divergence from my routine and I have found myself engulfed in exciting new opportunities saying, “YES!  THIS is me! THIS is what I crave and how I want to live!”  And it feels good.  I want more of that, so I make it happen.  

Stay curious and learn

Instead of sitting in wonder of some of my interests, I decided to engage in workshops and learn new skills, read new books and attend readings of their authors, and manage my own new business focused on my passions.  I hunger for new knowledge and I will never know enough about the matters that interest me.  

Live in the present

Engage.  Put down your technology, turn off the television and properly engage with the people and experiences around you.  I like to make a pile of cell phones when my friends have dinner and the first one to reach for their phone instead of being immersed in the gathering is handed the check.  If we all remain engaged and never touch a piece of technology then I consider that a win.  If you are not enjoying your surroundings and need the stimulation of outside sources, then it’s time to unravel that.  That unraveling is genuine work and you should be making time and space to focus on and improve that matter.  It’s the constant learning and unraveling that makes us grow indefinitely, but it’s in the present that we live.  Wherever you go, there you are.  Be there.  

Meet new admirable people and reawaken valuable lost connections

The people I have met and align myself with have made all the difference, and the people I have reconnected with from my past have impacted my journey more than words can say.  It’s those who love you unconditionally and authentically that deserve your precious time and attention.  Strengthen those bonds, throw your energy in their direction and it will come back to you with boundless possibility.  Your soul mates, no matter how abundant or few, will see the authentic YOU emerging and admire the light shining from you.    

“All of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections” -All Of Me, John Legend

Sleep and spend time alone

When I am alone with my thoughts and without other influences to taint my perspective is when I catch a clear glimpse of who I am and what I truly want.  I like to form my own impressions without speculation of others leaking in.  And, never underestimate the importance of rest and renewal.  Our sleep patterns are the refresh opportunity that we have everyday.  After expending all of this energy to make change and become my authentic self, I need to let my body absorb this information so it can truly be integrated into my reality.      

The question of who I am may never definitively be answered because she changes with each moment, but it is the promising journey to discover and rediscover myself that ignites my spirit and inspires my momentum.


above photo is of my daughter holding my hand that very first day

Losing The Game, Happily


I would lose the game of Survivor as reality television has defined it in modern society.  I like to see the good in people, maybe to a fault.  I would fall for every lie and get voted out of the tribe pretty quickly, most likely; my torch ceremoniously snuffed in no time flat.  I find myself longing for more deep rooted connections with people who make decisions with their soul, I don’t have time for anything less.  “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for”  -Bob Marley.

Along this journey we meet all kinds: the huggers, the secret keepers, the hand holders, and even the ones with broad shoulders that light up our world and give us hope that the energy we give will be well received and maybe even returned to us.  But we also meet the greedy, needy, depleted, obstinate, and egocentric characters who pull us down and drain our positivity and good energy.  It’s never much of a stretch for people who only think of themselves to concoct a useful strategy to get what they perceive will fill their needs.  “The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment”  -Doug Larson.

Our lives are full of choices each day, each minute, each thought.  Our time is too precious to be wasted on anything that doesn’t raise us up and bring us joy.  Anyone who does not get you to that end does not truly have your best intentions tied to their own heart.  “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”  -Abraham Lincoln.

Yoga is life

If only I could approach my life the way I approach a yoga class, maybe that would make me happy….

I approach my yoga classes with strong intention: To take a full hour to quiet my mind and strengthen my body and soul.  I walk in, turn off my phone and step onto the mat knowing I will focus only on my own well being for the duration of the class.  I always leave a class feeling refreshed and calm which is the state I wish I could enjoy more often than I do these days.  Much like life in general, I have a deep respect for yoga even though I am still a beginning student even after over a decade of attending classes.  Even though I have a strong desire to dive deeper and study the roots of yoga, I seem to stay at the surface of the practice and enjoy the shallow benefits that I can feel within a one hour class.

I love the idea of a group of people gathering with positive intentions in a peaceful way to achieve wellness.  I like the idea of yoga for the same reasons I like the idea of observing the Sabbath.  When you remove the religion and culture from both, the basic goal of each are pure in nature and focus on gathering with like minded people to pay resect to yourself and those around you.  Both practices can be easily translated to our current life situation and both allow practitioners to slow down, unplug and get back to basics.  All of this is what I need more of in my life, but the challenge is being able to contain the feeling I have during a yoga class and translate it to my life in general.

I can fall pretty deep into my mind during a class, and I’m always trying to be mindful of what my body is telling me.  Also much like life, the minute I take my attention off of myself and try to catch a glimpse of what others are accomplishing I loose my balance and then my focus…or is it the other way around?  Learning to keep my focus and keep my intentions clear and pure will serve me well in my yoga practice and in turn in my life in general.  So, having yoga in my life may get me closer to living a more yoga life.


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